As an EDI consultant, I am often asked how best to deal with conflicting needs in groups. Managing group dynamics is complex, not only professionally but also personally. After all, as human beings, we all come from different backgrounds, value systems and have various needs.
Recently, I decided to learn Italian and reconnect with that part of my heritage. Together with a group of fellow learners, we travelled to Italy as part of a learning programme. Throughout the trip, we experienced how individual needs could clash and affect everyone negatively. It quickly became evident how draining this was for the entire group. Some members felt particularly frustrated, believing compromises were unevenly distributed, leading to increased tension and resentment.
So, how can we navigate and manage these appearing conflicting needs without alienating each other, while preserving our own energy, and still respecting our differences? I believe that by proactively anticipating potential issues, many of these tensions could have been avoided, and the group dynamic would have greatly improved. The same principles apply in the workplace. Let me explain further.
Understanding conflicting needs in groups
Tensions often arise because individuals bring their unique backgrounds, experiences, values and expectations to group interactions. During our Italian language trip, for example, some members of our group found group environments and loud spaces particularly challenging, which is often the case for autistic individuals. Additionally, there were tensions between individuals who required more autonomy and those who thrived in group activities. Neither approach was wrong, but tensions escalated when these differing needs were not openly recognised or managed. The key challenge was supporting one another without leading to burnout or alienation.
Theoretical framework: fundamental interpersonal needs
Psychologist William Schutz identified three core interpersonal needs: inclusion, control, and affection. Individuals seek these in varying degrees:
- Inclusion: Feeling valued and integral within the group.
- Control: Exercising some level of influence or autonomy. I personally prefer the word ‘agency’.
- Affection: Experiencing respect and positive relationships.
When these fundamental needs feel threatened, conflicts tend to emerge. For example, someone who highly values independence might feel suffocated by constant group activities, while others could perceive autonomy as detachment.
Practical strategies for managing multiple needs within a group, including in the workplace
Drawing from both my professional experiences and personal insights, here are practical strategies to manage conflicting needs effectively:
- Open and honest communication. Encourage everyone to express their needs transparently and respectfully at the start of joining a group/team. Active listening is crucial – acknowledge others’ feelings without immediately rushing to solutions. It requires creating a specific time to discuss this, ideally in a calming environment and when people’s energy is at their peak (i.e. not at the end of a long working day). This feeds into the inclusion and affection parts of Schutz’s framework, which I have described above.
- Set clear, shared expectations. Establish group expectations early on about personal space, group activities, sensory environments, and downtime. Clearly defined boundaries can prevent misunderstandings and resentment. I advise running a session specifically on this topic. In the workplace, this works well when building up a team or welcoming new team members. Again everyone must have a sense of control/agency, as Schutz’s second point.
- Balanced compromises Ensure compromises are not one-sided. Regularly check in with group members to ensure everyone’s voice feels heard and respected. I have often noticed a tendency for support to be only directed at people who express their needs the most loudly. Yet, other people may need support/accommodations. They may be compensating or masking in silence and could totally withdraw if no space has been created to hear/meet their needs.
- Self-care and personal boundaries Pay attention to everyone’s energy levels, including yours. It’s okay to step back occasionally and recharge your battery. Clearly communicating your own needs helps you remain present and supportive when you’re with the group/team. Again this can be discussed together, so everyone understands that it is ok to spend time on their own.
Remember, if you are struggling with hosting these conversations, I can help. It often works more efficiently to have external support, especially when conflicts have arisen.
Managing obvious conflicting needs in a sensible and effective way
I want to highlight an important point regarding obvious conflicting needs. Imagine a scenario where one person requires silence to concentrate, yet another needs to fidget with objects while learning.
What should you do? It is a question I’m frequently asked as an Equity, Diversity, and Inclusion (EDI) consultant.
There is not a simple answer since each situation must be evaluated individually; however, some guiding principles always apply.
I recommend openly discussing the situation with the individuals involved and seeking a compromise collaboratively and inclusively. One solution might be arranging seating so these two individuals are not seated close to each other. Another could involve choosing quieter objects for fidgeting; foam balls, for instance, make virtually no noise and could still effectively satisfy the learner’s need to fidget.
Many other solutions could exist, but the critical factor is empowering individuals with the agency to reach a mutually agreeable solution and reach a compromise together. Doing so ensures stronger buy-in and significantly reduces frustration, preventing tensions from escalating into conflict. Again, this applies to any setting, including workplaces, and I am here to help if needed.
Moving forward: inclusion, from conflict to connection
Conflicts and differences aren’t necessarily negative, they can deepen understanding and strengthen relationships when managed thoughtfully. By openly acknowledging each other’s needs, practising empathy, and respecting boundaries (including yours!), we can enjoy more enriching and inclusive experiences. This may even help you to understand yourself better, especially your values.
Remember, our differences can pull us apart or draw us closer. Embracing these differences with openness and respect creates a stronger, more cohesive group dynamic, including in the workplace.
